Steph Blogs….”I Have the Fear…”
PREAMBLE
Hello ASB enthusiasts! This is your friendly Peru Crew member Steph signing in. There are no words to fully capture how amazing this experience has been. It would take a blog-novel to fully express the intelligence, thoughtfulness and humor of the team and its leaders along with a series of complex diagrams to illuminate their charm and good looks. I couldn’t begin to explain how we managed to raise our money and arrive at the five day mark from departure. Instead, I have tried to spill out the accumulated ASB contents of my own brain from the last few months via this blog. Enjoy/Beware.
THE FEAR
In October, I was accepted to Alternative Spring Break in the mood for an existential crisis. This mission may come across as overly self-aware, possibly destructive and probably a little silly. While I always hope to create change, however big or small, I admit my initial intentions for applying were largely selfish ones. It was time to break the bubble I was beginning to feel a little too comfortable inside. To shake myself up and out, I was looking to be thrown full force into a project which would push me to relinquish two of my favorite things: control and knowledge. If there’s anything I cannot stand in this world, it is being out of control and/or under informed. As a member of a volunteer team in a country I had never been to, I would potentially have to embrace these feelings often. Hence, the Fear.
The Fear is a sort of philosophical pal I’ve been spending a lot of time with over the last four months. It has been wonderfully motivational throughout the ASB adventure, encouraging me to ditch my wall-flower habits, helping me practice my less than stellar Spanish and visiting me late in the night to remind me of the dangers of tropical diseases. Essentially: an internal voice ensuring I don’t become a total disaster when I’m dropped into a foreign country I have little to no knowledge about. It is the Fear that has been prompting me to wonder: How can I be culturally sensitive as a citizen of a wealthy Western nation? Do I understand that this project is only a very small contribution to a very complex and conflicted issue? How can I minimize the less-than-camera-friendly appearance I am sure to develop in front of the documentary crew? These are the important questions. However, this inner interrogation occasionally brought on great anxiety as I chased these issues arou
nd inside my head, worrying that somehow I would offend, misunderstand or miss out.
These are the things I was worried about until four days ago.
Over the last week Peru, specifically the area our project was assigned to, has experienced devastating floods. Towns were swallowed by the overflowing river, mudslides have blocked, if not destroyed, many roads and thousands of Peruvians have been left homeless. Upon hearing about the disaster, my reaction was, perhaps, not what would be expected. I was instantly calm, more so than I had been in days. Refocused. A discovery: there are more important things at hand than whether I am going to be able to navigate my neuroses. There is no more time for messing around. We are by no means going to “fix” Peru, but there is work to be done, and ASB may be a part of it somehow. While I will do my best to be a responsible voluntourist, a valuable team member and seek answers to my own questions, I am reminded by my Fearful friend: Peru is in crisis, not you.